DEAR BERNIE: What’s in a F1 headline? or – 8 into 1 doesn’t go

Counterfeit correspondence from a (parallel) F1 universe...

Dear Bernie,

It is new season’s eve. There has been much pontificating over the winter. Hewis Lamilton or Benson Jutton? And The Great One aka Schumi mark II: can he be as strong as mark I? And all sorts of other discussions about the new regulations, driving styles and what the close-season testing might or might not say about the cars on the grid. But now the talking ends and the action begins. What is fascinating about this season is that, with a host of top contenders potentially looking evenly matched, the driver – his speed but also his temperament, his ability to make the right decisions at key moments – could really make the difference. As it should be. So, how well prepared, psychologically, are the likes of Falonso et al? How are the mind games shaping up? I attach a cursory selection of recent headlines which might (or might not) give you a superficial indication, with some of my own (loose) interpretation. By the way, I list the drivers in the order in which I am predicting them to finish this season – a hazardous business, I must admit, with nobody seeming to be quite where they should be relative to everyone else. 8 into 1 just doesn’t go...

Wim Expectant

Enc.: Those headlines I was talking about...

ERNANDO FALONSO (PRANCING HORSE).
Alonso: F10 is the best car I've ever had/Alonso downplays his chances of title glory
i.e. A bemusing combination of striking fear into the hearts of his rivals and lulling them into a false sense of security. Or should we read it as: F10 is the best car I've ever had and I’m going to look pretty silly if I mess it up!

THE GREAT ONE (TEAM GERMANY).
Schumacher 'like a child looking forward to Christmas'
... except Santa doesn’t exist and nobody else is going to want to give Schumi any presents.

VEBASTIAN SETTEL (ENERGY DRINK).
Sebastian Vettel Q&A: Title is the only target for '10
Fair enough, 10 out of 10 for clarity of purpose!

BENSON JUTTON (TEAM GB).
Jenson Button warns Michael Schumacher: "We will not give you an inch"
Laying down a ‘don’t expect me to be shoved around’ marker that goes a little beyond the drivers’ usual ‘how excited we are to have Schumi back on grid’ waffle. Will Schumi be lifting off into the first corner? – probably not. Still, if this were sumo, Jutton wins the preliminary mind-games bout with this one.

HEWIS LAMILTON (TEAM GB).
Lewis Hamilton admits to mishandling Fernando Alonso/Lewis Hamilton renews F1 vows as Lie-gate vanishes in rear-view mirror
Plenty of catharsis here, which, if all demons are buried once the helmet goes on, cannot be a bad thing. But yes, ouch, I do have Lamilton down in 5th and edged by Jutton. Surely not?!

MELIPE FASSA (PRANCING HORSE).
Massa confident over Alonso partnership
Another one (cf Team GB) that could end in tears...

RICO NOSBERG (TEAM GERMANY).
Rosberg to give Schu a run for his money
It will be so, so interesting to see if he can. Another of the season’s potentially critical battlegrounds...

WARK MEBBER (ENERGY DRINK).
Mark Webber: I'm not losing any sleep worrying about Sebastien Vettel
Or: I'm not losing any sleep worrying about Sebastien Vettel and the other six guys that that galah called wim has put me below!