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WE'RE STILL STANDING: Leeds United, Smoke and Mirrors

What does League 1 make of Leeds United? This may be their third season at this level but they are not one of us. Their first season in League 1 was defined by a 15-point handicap and a tenacious spirit which collapsed once Dennis Wise left. Last year came an unexpected play-off defeat. A good start to this season is ebbing away with the phrase "since the United game" haunting this club. For here’s the statistical truth; after their remarkable cup win at Old Trafford, Leeds have won 2 drawn 6 and lost 3 in the league. 12 points out of 33. Not promotion form.

They are the biggest team in this league but not the best, a mistake consistently made in the media. Norwich score more, control the midfield better and are almost certainties for the Championship. In Jermaine Beckford, Leeds have the division’s highest-profile player - 19 league strikes and scorer of cup goals at Old Trafford and White Hart Lane. But here the numbers do not tell the story. Ask around Elland Road and they will tell you:- he’s lazy, has terrible approach play and his goals are mostly tap-ins and penalties. Rumour has it that he is off to Everton when his contract expires in the summer; he will struggle terribly in the Premier League - he is simply not of that calibre.

Their strength is out wide, McSheffrey and Snodgrass are creative, subtle and dangerous. Their midfield is getting worn down on this league’s heavy pitches, their defence unspectacular. Simon Grayson was a galvanising influence as manager on arrival but his signings have brought his judgement into question. They have a grand history and a large if strangely drained stadium, so it’s easy for us in the lower leagues to build them up into Real Madrid. They have been at our party for a while now, not talking to anyone and checking their messages for a better invite. It may come and it may not; Leeds are now a decent League 1 side, no more and no less.

WE’RE STILL STANDING: Match Off

A taste of English football from Brentford devotee The Worm...

The Worm is at a loose end after our fourth postponement of 2010. The Griffin Park pitch is waterlogged and in a sorry state; with water tables still saturated from the December snow, moderate rain becomes an insurmountable problem. Games that do go ahead are leaden-footed, heavy affairs on a churned up surface. Games that don’t are building up. It’s not just us, across the country weekend plans have been disrupted with football fans asking what normal people do with this free-time that gapes before us like the hole between Terry and Carvalho? There has to be more to Saturdays than going to the shops. I am told that Bradford City did not play an away game for five weeks over Christmas (a run of home matches which sadly did not help Stuart McCall keep his job as manager). As for the cabbage patches themselves, Colchester’s Community Stadium and Rotherham’s Don Valley Stadium are probably vying for the worst-pitch-in-football award though I’d be willing to accept nominations from elsewhere. So I get to re-familiarise myself with Jeff Stelling’s loony-crew whilst fighting the onset of cabin fever. We’re at Leeds next week - I hope they had enough money left over from paying Seth Johnson and Robbie Fowler to work on their drainage.

England in Bangladesh: Reasons to care

England playing cricket in Bangladesh is a hard tour to sell and likely to go under the sporting radar for most. Here The Worm offers a few pointers that might make the series worthy of your fleeting attention...

Test cricket enters a new decade in breathless fashion

Forget Twenty20, we have seen two of the most dramatic Test finishes the decade is likely to produce in only the first week of 2010. Pakistan’s meek run chase in Sydney and South Africa’s failure to bowl England out in Cape Town both have major implications for the series results. Australia are two up with one to play while SA can only draw the series at best.

The stars align for England as they achieve a flawless victory.

England have taken a 1-0 lead in the series with two to play after a weighty victory in Durban. It was a match in which, after losing the toss, everything fell in their favour. They were buoyed by wickets on the first morning; South Africa were only able to reach an apparent par score of 343 courtesy of a 150-partnership between Smith and Kallis, and a wagging tail. Cook and Bell then scored centuries and Collingwood a strong 91, but more pleasing was the manner in which the total was built, with six 50-partnerships in their sole innings. SA stumbled to 133 all out and to defeat by an innings and 98 runs.

The weather certainly favoured England, perfect for batting on days 2 and 3 before the overcast conditions returned in time for the South African second innings. The ball swung in England’s hands and at times, particularly the crucial fourth day, the ball behaved as if it were in English, rather than African conditions. This reflects an interesting phenomenon supported by events at the MCG, where Mitchell Johnson has just taken 6 wickets at 13.2 against Pakistan after being almost exclusively awful in the Summer. Malcolm Marshall and Joel Garner were dangerous whenever and wherever they played, Donald and Pollock likewise- but even the very best the world currently has to offer are dependent on favourable conditions to look like accomplished test players.

So, how were England able to power through the South African batting line up so decisively on day 4, when twenty wickets in a match had looked beyond them in the first test? It’s true that we saw the ball swinging for the first time in the series, but this did not earn Broad his four wickets. They came from a build up of pressure on the South African batsmen such that they chose too circumspect a response. Kallis, de Villiers and Duminy were all out attempting a misjudged leave, brought on by the buzz-term "scoreboard pressure" and maximised by Broad putting the ball in that ambiguous area on the verge of off stump. Days like these will teach Broad how to push on and become a consistent threat rather than an occasional match-winner. Swann, meanwhile, continues to bowl beautifully; he is reliable, subtle, intelligent and has an extraordinary knack of taking wickets in his first over. Comfortably the leading wicket taker in the series, he has taken over Flintoff’s mantle as Strauss’ go-to man.

This result is confirmation of the maxim that batsmen can set you up but bowlers win you matches, and South Africa were outbowled so completely here that they will have to make changes for the third test in Cape Town. Friedel de Wet, after his impressive debut at Centurion, will surely return. He should take Ntini’s place but this will not be a purely sporting decision. Politics plays a big part in South African selection and dropping a post-Apartheid black legend may require time and meetings. Although it would be sad to see his career end on this whimper, The Worm wonders if he will be politely encouraged to retire before the series is up thus preventing the embarrassment of dropping him. The other option would be to play the extra bowler in place of Prince or Duminy but this would promote Morkel to number 7 and create too fragile a tail to be viable.

South Africa suffered from Paul Harris’ ineffectual bowling in this match. The spinner is expected to hold an end for extended spells whilst the pace is rotated around him, but the English batsmen targeted Harris and made him look expensive and ordinary. He confounds, his stats suggest he should turn the ball more than he does. He is an annoying bowler, and one that batsmen must hate losing their wicket to for he appears so easy to play. Unlike at Centurion, it did not happen for him here and this left the other bowlers overworked. Duminy would not have expected to have bowled 24 overs, while both Kallis and Steyn are bowling at less than their best. South Africa will need to improve with the ball quickly or they will lose to England, as they lost to Australia in their last home series.

By The Worm